Bye Bye Wordie...

So, my laptop has somehow lost every word that I had ever written. Gasp!!! Yes, gasping would be the correct emotion right now.

Every poem, every journal entry, every word, every picture, every video...everything that had any emotion attached to it. (Incidentally the only things not deleted are SPSS installers and games.) My entire last year, was on this laptop.

Things I had written, things I had created, things- words that I had nurtured and shared with others, creating a bond with these 'readers', things that cannot be recreated. Things that I thought I would be showing to my children and their children, things that I would not show to anyone, things I had written only for me...all gone.

I always thought that if you do lose these works you can always rewrite them. But that is, as i have realised, IMPOSSIBLE. I cant bring myself to write again. I cant even start afresh. I always did consider the words as my children, and the loss is inexplicably depressing.

I, somehow, always thought the words would succeed me. And not vice versa. This has to be the worst nightmare of any writer. And here I am, living one nightmare after the other. I truly have lost myself...

This post is almost a half hearted goodbye for my sabbatical/hiatus or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

This post is to say goodbye dear Wordies, and thank my friends who have given me words of encouragement and more importantly who have given me inspiration to write... I bow!

Till the next post, let me mourn this, the best I can.

My Obituary

My Obituary

After my death don’t tell everybody,
That I was a shining star,
Brightest in the night sky,
That I was perfect, that I didn’t deserve to die.

Tell them I wasn’t good,
I wasn’t all that bad,
I was a difficult child,
Right from the start.

Don’t make excuses for me,
That negates my existence,
Don’t tell them I was precious,
Don’t bring them to farce tears.

Here I am already writing,
What I want in my obituary,
So that when I’m gone,
It’s one less thing for you to worry.

Maybe a few years later,
I’ll realise who I was,
Maybe I didn’t realise my potential,
And I didn’t realise my curse.

You say I’m emotional,
That I don’t think things through,
I thought this through,
And still made no sense to me,
Does it to you?

11/11/2006
10.05pm