I had thought of writing this piece, for this blog here, eventually. But saw a picture today which pre-poned/ hurried my decision to write on this. This picture-
Of course I've had strangers become best friends. As much as I would have loved to, I didn't know my besties from my infanthood, toddlerhood or even childhood. I would have wanted to know them from foetushood!! Yes, I had best friends as a child, but those friendships fade in comparison with what relationship I have with my girls. V, She is of course my soul sister, literally my other half. D is like a sister, so different from me yet so inexplicably a part of me/my life. K is my twin - my brain twin, my tastes twin, my humor twin... God got lazy and xeroxed us. We are that similar.
These are my best friends, my BFFs, besties, sisters from other mothers (?).
I cannot lose these girls. They are part of the definition of me. I love everything about them. And the parts I don't love, I have made my peace with it, and shall not try to change it. Just as they don't try and change me. That is what we call a mature adult friendship. My life is richer and happier because of them. I am a better person by being in their shadows. Have I said, I love them? :)
Then I have close friends. People I like and love their presence in my life. However, whom I don't find irreplaceable. Not meaning, that I will not fight to save the friendships, I will. I am a friend hoarder. But I will not lose my sense of self when I lose them. I will not be distraught over it. I will go on.
Such friendships, sometimes drift apart. Sometimes they crash and burn. This story is about the latter.
How I became strangers with my close friend.
So, this friend of mine, lets call her R, was a great pal. We spent hours together, mostly laughing. She was almost staunch in some of her beliefs. Which was right, coz her moral compass was definitely better than mine. She was younger than I am, but much ahead of me intellectually. Of course, in retrospect, I find her stand on some of the things we fought over, inherently correct. I was either too young to get it, or to emotionally immature to grasp it. However, as intellectually forward as my friend was, she was also emotionally immature, for she would be angered and fret over my inability to appreciate her point of view. A truly mature person would help the other understand or at least attempt till a fair level. But everything was way too personal, and when it gets personal, you lose sight of the argument. You lose sight that you are speaking with a friend.
There were other personality traits I didn't like in R, just as she wouldn't have like some traits in me. That's just how a human friendship works.
So, to the crash and burn. We had a fight. It was a small fight. A fight of egos.
Silent treatments ensued.
But since there were certain life events coming up that we would have needed to be together for, I sort of offered the olive branch. It was the teeniest tiniest one, of course. After all, clash of the mighty egos. I had sent her a SMS/text message. Pretending all was ok with us. Passive aggressive, yes please!
She didn't respond. Or chose not to. That was that. We later met at another life event, maybe a few months from the fight. We were civil to each other there. At the time, my family & I were going through something big & dreadful. The other people present at the occasion asked me about it. So I had reason to believe that the most were aware of the difficult situation I was in. She didn't ask me of it. She chose not to.
She had always been friendly with my family. It hurt. It hurt like a damn paper cut. So small, insignificant but so hurtful. That was that. I knew that day, that she was no longer my friend.
I felt that she was being petty. I was angered. Betrayed.
I know, you will say that I cannot be a 100% sure that she knew. Now, 4 years later, I feel maybe that can be true. But with so much time gone, I don't think we will ever be friends or acquaintances again. So, there is no reason to give her the benefit of the doubt. I will dislike her with no ambivalence!
Initially, I wondered about her a lot. I just could not imagine that a person I assumed will be a part of my life, and consequently, will be there on special ocaasions (weddings, births, deaths), now will not be. I remember discussing, hypothetically, how she could recycle her wardrobe to wear on my wedding ceremonies. Hypothetically. I didn't, haven't gotten married. FYI. TMI?
But with time I have focused my energies in the people who support and love me.
It's part of growing up. I have made more friends than I've lost.
But yes, I have a stranger, that used to be my close friend, if not best.
