Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I dreamt of God









I dreamt of God....

:)




I dreamt of god last night,
In my dream, me and god sat and talked,
He asked me why did in my prayer I say,
That I will give up anything to have him,
I said, “God, I am hopelessly in love”,
That “I need him or else I will die”,
Wouldn’t that make everything else redundant?
God, he smiled, and so did I,
He then asked me, looking deep into my eyes,
He said, “Anything? Even your writings?”
Trying to seal the deal, I jumped, “Yes!, take it God”
“Take it now”, I pleaded,
As his smile faded,
I grew apprehensive,
I angered Him! I thought,
He asked, “ All right my darling,
Tell me this then, allow me your answer,
Would you relinquish your sense of humour too?”
The thing that brings smiles to many,
The source of laughter in your life, as of others,
Even mine, would you give up - “
A vehement “Yes” cut God short.
He didn’t seem startled at all,
He kind of was expecting it,
He was God after all, he knoweth all,
God asked “Why would you make such a sacrifice?,
For what my love, for a boy?” seemed obvious enough,
I said,” for I am nothing without him,
I am nothing but a consortium of his memories,
And I promised myself,
That I would get him for me,
And I would make the necessary sacrifices,
Without blinking an eyelid,
No matter how grand they seem.
God blinked, I didn’t know he did that,
He stared; I think he was giving me time to reconsider,





God drew close, and he whispered in my ear,
“Let me tell you a little secret, my dear”
I grew curious, god wants to share his secrets with me?
Honoured, I nodded. He said,
“the secret is about you”
I titled my head like a well trained dog,
God said, “in a parallel universe,
I had asked a girl a similar question,
But she was different, she was with this boy she was so in love with,
She was fond of him, of her as was he,
They seemed happy to me,
But their request unsettled me, as I was by yours today,
The girl was you, no doubt,
My darling, that girl was you and the boy was he,
But you lived sans laughter, sans creativity,
You had him, but nothing else,
You had none as friend, as confidante,
And you cried every night because of it,
And you prayed, and he prayed with you,
To help you find laughter, and to find something inspired,
And that night, you made this pact with me,
To give him up, for this life that you live now,
You gave each other up,
To be able to find what you have now.”
God paused, “See my lovely, you already are living your wish”
And I realised that night, as I bid God goodbye,
That I am living my dreams.
Lucky me, I am living my dreams.


30th august, 2008
00:42 pm

With this post, I hope not to offend anyone as that wasnt my intention as I wrote it. But if I did, I am sorry.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Ramblings..

I have this overwhelming feeling of emptiness, and it has engulfed me for the past few days. I cannot express it well enough to understand it. Even the company of friends doesnt take it away from me. I havent felt quite this way in a long time, and thats why the return of such a feeling of blackness scares me. I know the destructive power of this feeling, I know the kind of command it has over me and subsequently my life. And I know that this feeling is something I most certainly do not invite into my space. But I dont know what to do, how to over come this, how to conquer this. Hence, I chose the path of passive resistance, which is writing. I write, day in and day out. And that saddens me further because it reminds me of things i have lost, people- friends i have lost and the shreds of paper i have lost, the paper on which I poured my heart out. And, this feeling also means the augment of a lesser pleasant me.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Give Me

I realised today, I m a hopeless romantic. I know my friends call me passionate, but romantic... that too a die hard and hopeless one... I do love 'love'. I have conversations with it almost everyday.... You want to know what I say to love... Read on!!!


GIVE ME....

Give me some inspiration love, you have always found ways to do that,
Give me something to write of, because I m nothing if not my words,
Give me some one to sing my songs to, someone, anyone,
Because the worst death my words can have is to go unheard.

Give me some thing to wake up for, even on the early Monday mornings,
Give me some words to wrap myself in, because they would remind me of him,
Give me some jitters again, some more moments of breathlessness,
Give me my fool’s paradise, my little place of being blissfully dumb.

Oh love, give me some one pure, someone to share myself with,
Give me someone beautiful, someone I can let enter my soul,
Give me a secret; let him be a secret to the world,
Give me someone charming, someone who can make me whole.

Give me his strong arms, to fall into when I feel weak,
Give me a beautiful smile, that will make my heart jump with joy,
Oh love, give me the happiness, give me the love of my life,
Give this little girl, her little lover boy,

Oh love, give me a reason to smile, a reason to survive,
Oh love, give me my prince, the prince of my magical kingdom,
Give me a heart full of love, and a head full of dreams,
Oh love, give me the song of my heart, a song to hum.

(Cant remember the date....But is Pretty Recent!!!)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Brother, Oh Sweet Brother Of Mine...


Okay, I know I should be studying for the mid term exam that is tomorrow morning, but I cannot help but write this. Especially after having cried the “khushi ke aansu” twice today, like an itsy bitsy baby clutching the cardboard box (it shall explain itself later)…

Around a year ago, I joined this place of higher learning. And I met a lot of people, some good folks, some not so good folks, and some very special persons, possessing the rarest and purest of souls. One of them (yes I have the pleasure of knowing more than one.) is Sumeet Rathore aka Rats aka Bhai aka Yudhistar – tho he doesn’t know about most of these (his) nicknames!!! Butt the phenomenon that is Sumeet, Mature, Understanding, Sweet, Loving, Caring… I know it sounds like his testimonial but cant help but reiterate the fact that Eiffel tower is very tall, Sholay is a hit and Taj Mahal is in India!!! :D

Moving onnn…..

So, why this sudden surge of emotion? He has pretty much been the same person over the last year…right!!! So background first: I call him bhai, and also did the usual tying of rakhi last year anddd…. I, being the totally self centred person that I am, forgot to do that this year.

IMAGINE!!! He should be angry right? Annoyed, infuriated.. etc etc… Nothing at all.. He actually gave me a gift instead!! A box of chocolate that too… chocolate!!!! :D :D (see photo, me holding the cardboard box, which I still have preserved tho the chocolates are long gone.. damn you boys!!!)
Talk about love… Imagine he actually went to the store, thought of me, bought me a gift.. It makes all the difference to me- that he conferred upon me such love….

(Okay crying bout no.3 coming along…. )

I mean I don’t know what I did to deserve such brothers… But I m sure glad I did it… tho it does make me feel like the scum feeding on the parasite at the bottom of some lake… Super Duper nice people- MAHA caring… : ) And then there is me...!!!

This one is for you sumeet, I know it’s a bit juvenile and all.. but it’s the emotion that counts right!!!

Brother brother brother of mine,
You make me float on cloud number nine,
Brother O’ mine, you are so sweet,
It took us so long to meet,
Oh brother of mine, I m nothing if I compare,
To the love you give me and the care,
Hey brother of mine, tho we aren’t related by blood,
We have a bond that will pass the test of time, it would!!
So please never forget me ever,
With love, your sister…

(Crying session no.4 comes to an end... :D)

A happy Rakhi to all... :)

Sunday, August 3, 2008

I think you know

Since am still not writing anything worthy of an audience, let me post this for you: A poem written about a year ago, by a girl for a boy she fell in love with. Sweet little thing called love we all have to go through I guess.






I think you know...


I think you know, I think you know,
By the way I look at you,
I think you know, I think you know,
That I care for you so.

Staying up all night together,
I wanna stay in that moment forever,
I wanna know everything about you,
Everything you wanna let me know.

I think you know, I think you know,
When you look into my eyes,
I think you know, I think you know,
That I’m falling for you tonight,

Every hug, every wink, every flying kiss,
Goes on over and over in my head,
When you whisper sweet nothings to me,
It says what you left unsaid.

I think you know, I think you know,
I was dead until I met you,
I think you know, I think you know,
I’m never gonna let you go.

Cos I love you like crazy,
I always will, my baby.

5/8/2007

Friday, June 20, 2008

Bye Bye Wordie...

So, my laptop has somehow lost every word that I had ever written. Gasp!!! Yes, gasping would be the correct emotion right now.

Every poem, every journal entry, every word, every picture, every video...everything that had any emotion attached to it. (Incidentally the only things not deleted are SPSS installers and games.) My entire last year, was on this laptop.

Things I had written, things I had created, things- words that I had nurtured and shared with others, creating a bond with these 'readers', things that cannot be recreated. Things that I thought I would be showing to my children and their children, things that I would not show to anyone, things I had written only for me...all gone.

I always thought that if you do lose these works you can always rewrite them. But that is, as i have realised, IMPOSSIBLE. I cant bring myself to write again. I cant even start afresh. I always did consider the words as my children, and the loss is inexplicably depressing.

I, somehow, always thought the words would succeed me. And not vice versa. This has to be the worst nightmare of any writer. And here I am, living one nightmare after the other. I truly have lost myself...

This post is almost a half hearted goodbye for my sabbatical/hiatus or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

This post is to say goodbye dear Wordies, and thank my friends who have given me words of encouragement and more importantly who have given me inspiration to write... I bow!

Till the next post, let me mourn this, the best I can.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

My Obituary


My Obituary

After my death don’t tell everybody,
That I was a shining star,
Brightest in the night sky,
That I was perfect, that I didn’t deserve to die.

Tell them I wasn’t good,
I wasn’t all that bad,
I was a difficult child,
Right from the start.

Don’t make excuses for me,
That negates my existence,
Don’t tell them I was precious,
Don’t bring them to farce tears.

Here I am already writing,
What I want in my obituary,
So that when I’m gone,
It’s one less thing for you to worry.

Maybe a few years later,
I’ll realise who I was,
Maybe I didn’t realise my potential,
And I didn’t realise my curse.

You say I’m emotional,
That I don’t think things through,
I thought this through,
And still made no sense to me,
Does it to you?

11/11/2006
10.05pm