Bye Bye Wordie...

So, my laptop has somehow lost every word that I had ever written. Gasp!!! Yes, gasping would be the correct emotion right now.

Every poem, every journal entry, every word, every picture, every video...everything that had any emotion attached to it. (Incidentally the only things not deleted are SPSS installers and games.) My entire last year, was on this laptop.

Things I had written, things I had created, things- words that I had nurtured and shared with others, creating a bond with these 'readers', things that cannot be recreated. Things that I thought I would be showing to my children and their children, things that I would not show to anyone, things I had written only for me...all gone.

I always thought that if you do lose these works you can always rewrite them. But that is, as i have realised, IMPOSSIBLE. I cant bring myself to write again. I cant even start afresh. I always did consider the words as my children, and the loss is inexplicably depressing.

I, somehow, always thought the words would succeed me. And not vice versa. This has to be the worst nightmare of any writer. And here I am, living one nightmare after the other. I truly have lost myself...

This post is almost a half hearted goodbye for my sabbatical/hiatus or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

This post is to say goodbye dear Wordies, and thank my friends who have given me words of encouragement and more importantly who have given me inspiration to write... I bow!

Till the next post, let me mourn this, the best I can.

My Obituary

My Obituary

After my death don’t tell everybody,
That I was a shining star,
Brightest in the night sky,
That I was perfect, that I didn’t deserve to die.

Tell them I wasn’t good,
I wasn’t all that bad,
I was a difficult child,
Right from the start.

Don’t make excuses for me,
That negates my existence,
Don’t tell them I was precious,
Don’t bring them to farce tears.

Here I am already writing,
What I want in my obituary,
So that when I’m gone,
It’s one less thing for you to worry.

Maybe a few years later,
I’ll realise who I was,
Maybe I didn’t realise my potential,
And I didn’t realise my curse.

You say I’m emotional,
That I don’t think things through,
I thought this through,
And still made no sense to me,
Does it to you?

11/11/2006
10.05pm

One year of togetherness

One year of togetherness

















A year ends, our first year together,
A year ends, from the first time we met,
A year ends, of our innumerable fights,
A year ends, and it leaves me upset.

Another year for us to stay under the same roof,
Another year and we will never again meet,
Another year for me to learn to walk on my own,
Another year for me to realise that I can’t.

And after this time, I will never write this way,
I will never have the inspiration to,
After these two years, I will be a little wiser,
And I will learn to love incognito.

And still, I will miss you,
Because you have become family for me,
Because it’s hard to wake up alone,
For, I will still be in love.


Meghna
12.50 am
10th March

Goodbye

Two years ago, a friend of mine died in a road accident. This is for him...

Goodbye

Goodbye seems to be the hardest word,
Especially if you don’t get to say it.
I try and remember the last time,
I talked to you Sid.

I think I was a bit a rude,
Snobbish even, to you,
You took it in your stride,
I wish I could be so cool.

Here’s a final goodbye,
My friend.
Hope you rest in peace buddy,
Hope you weren’t alone in the end.


May 17th, 2006
11.05pm
Siddharth- you deserved better.
[RIP]

I be Juliet again

I be Juliet again?

I be Juliet again?
I falleth again,
I loveth again,
I waiteth,
In the, for the anticipation,
In the, for the expectations…
Cometh the hour…
where is the man…?

I waiteth again,
For the unknown,
For the un-understood,
For the unforeseen.
I hopeth,
For the man of my dreams,
For my Romeo,
However roadside he may be

Has it really happened?
Have I fallen in love,
Yet again?
And yet again I giveth him no time,
I jump to silly conclusions,
I jump in tandum,
As the butterflies in my stomach jump,
Yet again?

So what’s new with this one,
Havent met him yet,
That should restrict me greatly,
I need restriction such as these,
For it confines my destructive powers too,
Habitual destructor I am,
Habitual romantic I am,
I falleth again.

What about the old one?
Do I forget the lovers lost so far,
The battles of love lost to them,
How do I face them again,
That too soon,
In june,
What if he is there too,
And what if he isn’t?

Oh, is he my new muse?
Does he need know that?
What if he freaks,..
What if I be his muse too?
He writes too, he laughs too,
He does all that I do,
Does that mean I do all that to him,
That he does to me?

He’ll be here soon,
With my ticket to heaven,
With a movie and a dinner,
With a cuppa coffee and a little more,
With a few smiles for me,
That I’ll steal from his lips,
With a little more than him,
He comes, packing away my loneliness.
(For) He cometh, with a lonely heart too.

25th march 08,
1.30 am

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to creatures of the homo-sapiens kind is purely coincidental. Dont ask who, why and when! Let this be my poetic license

Things I live by

Some quotations that inspire me and why...Just wanted to give you some random thoughts of mine...

One of the reasons why people hold on to memories so tight is because memories are the only thing that doesn’t change when everyone else does.
-Anonymous

Some lines, quotes, excerpt mean more to you than others. They seem tailor made for you, so that you can understand your own situation better. The one written above is for me. I seem to go on and on and over and over the same feelings and memories and Kodak moments for certain people, just wondering and questioning what exactly went wrong there. The answer is easy, and now so in my face. People change. They changed. The end.


If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.
-Maya Angelou

There was a phase in my life, not many years ago, that I would go to sleep a crying, whimpering bitch and wake up an angry, fetid bitch. And I made the life of my loved ones a living hell. I resented them, I screamed at them and I blamed them for not understanding what goes on in my head- when I knew they had no way of knowing that. Every time I think of that time, I feel like I had let my family down. So, one breezy Sunday morning I read this quote, and I decided to follow it till the day I die.


Always try to find out where the inspiration of your heroes comes from, i.e., who inspires those who inspire you, who do your heroes look up to.
-Jon Bon Jovi
If my memory serves me right, it was JBJ on The Oprah Winfrey Show, who said the above lines. It was then I began my journey to know Maya Angelou, because she is one of the people who inspire Oprah herself. And it is not only true what JBJ said, but it also transformational. It changes the way you think, when you realise your hero has a hero. Or in fact when your Shero has a Shero. (Shero is She-Hero, a term coined by Maya Angelou)


You will be surprised at what you can live with.
-Dr. James Wilson, in House
I think I have already written a bit on this… http://meggs-knows-best.blogspot.com/2008/01/finding-meghu.html

Is pretty much self explanatory.

Things I live by...at least I try...

Over-Looked

I am sure most of you all know that my summer internship is at Maruti Suzuki. Well if you weren’t in coma on 11th October 2007, then you would most definitely know. Well for those fortunate souls who don’t know me, I announce every minute detail and change in my life to the world. But this one, the “getting-through-to-and-celebrating” MS went, well, a little out of hand. Let’s just say the adrenaline got the best of me and I was shouting, “Maruti here I come” much to the amusement of many and the embarrassment of one: Pranks. But not that is a pivotal detail at all. So, one fine Monday morning two weeks ago-after 6 months of waiting in the wings, finally- I reached the gates of the Gurgaon plant. And hence began the roller coaster ride of an internship called the MS trainee program.



You see that big MARUTI SUZUKI sign in the pic. Seems inescapable doesn’t it? But I totally missed it. Till now, that is till two weeks into the program. I had Over-Looked it. And today as I stood across the road from it, I did finally see it. And I mean SEE IT. For a few moments I couldn’t take my eyes off the sign. It’s not that gigantic, or well ornate or flashy. But I just could not take my eyes off it. I finally did, only because I had to scan the road to see if my car had shown up yet. It hadn’t. And so I went back to admiring the sign as I would admire a muse- the way I would run my eyes all through the object of my attention, how I would carefully note and relish in its presence. Or how I would see a beautiful little child- and realise the fact that they all are beautiful. Or how would I see even a chocolate cake after a long dieting period- how I would savour its smell and its texture and the taste. And I stood there, across the busy and bustling old gurgaon road, almost as if I had come face to face with my creator. Well, MS isn’t my creator but is my ‘feeder’ for the next two months. And literally as well, not just the “feeds my family cos it pays me” bit…
If I sit and think of my reaction, it was of total awe, over awed even, enamoured, bewitched yet bewildered as to how could I have missed this sign. It was big and right above the front gate. Wasn’t too high, in fact I had noticed the Pseudo Bridge behind it. And yet I blimely unaware of its existence.
And its strange how this giant corporation with numerous accolades to its name- which we were intimidated a number of times during the 2 day orientation- could so simply and aptly be summed up into two words. That’s what it is supposed to be? The name of a product, or a brand – it’s the summary of the product. Plainly, the sign is the summation, bearing the logo of the Indo-Jap joint venture. So much energy, money, people… all signified by this sign.
And so, I stood there for almost five odd minutes, before I decided to click the picture. Because the moment seemed note-worthy. Like a young suitor had just realised that the untidy, unbeautiful, old rag wearing, formerly flat chested slave girl was actually the woman of his dreams.
I wonder, how much I looked at that sign today...for how long...how Over-Looked it became again...
And I wondered, realised and came to the conclusion, of how absent minded I really am.
And I still am over-awed and enamoured by the simple sign that reads, “MARUTI SUZUKI”.