You were always on my mind

Maybe I didn't treat you

Quite as good as I should have

Maybe I didn't love you

Quite as often as I could have

Little things I should have said and done

I just never took the time

But you were always on my mind

You were always on my mind

Listening to this old Elvis number, over and over again, and by different artists, (fave being Shakira’s rendition) I just cant but sit back and think about the new ‘relationship’ I am into.
Before all of you start calling me, and/or congratulating, this new relationship is that of mine and my supervisor. Again, hold on to your horses, and as I go on with this blog, I ask you to keep an open mind, esp one that is ready to pay heed to my imagination.

Its like this, this supervisor- subordinate relationship is like a marriage, an arranged marriage to be more apt and appropriate for my situation. Two months into the organization, I was presented with a boss, said to align myself to him, no one asked me if I would like to be his reportee, or would I fit. It was just decided, that this is how it will be.

But, like any relationship, this one had its lows and lower lows and some highs. Point blank, I didn’t accept him as my boss. I would rather rave and rant about how good my other project heads and bosses were. And that I didn’t think I belonged here, with him in his team. And that I was an MBA and way better off utilizing my skills somewhere else. I had a superiority complex, and I made sure people understood that. I made sure that he understood that. His patience by the way has definitely impressed me. For two months, he never screamed, never said “I am your boss, and you bloody well answer to me”. He gave me time and I guess that’s what makes relationships work.

And I did finally come along, it took me 2 months to accept my boss as my boss and to adapt to new guy was difficult . and the fact is that he is a good person, he is honest and straight forward, and protects me a lot. But I took a lot of time to understand him and what I had, that I didn’t have a boss who made sure my Sundays were spent working et al. I had to learn to adapt to his behavior, to understand what ticks him off and try to avoid it. What does the voice modulations mean, does him saying "yarrrrr" mean he is angry. I am still learning by the way. And the most important realization was that he had a right to ask questions and command / demand answers. And you had to be subservient to him. Not in slavery kind of a way, but again like you would be to your spouse at some level.

And during these 2 months there were so many times I wanted to bail, one night recently was spent crying in front of my dad, telling him I cant survive this job, organisation, *this* relationship. But they say 'tis the darkest before dawn'. And soon enough, in fact within a few days I did get a dawn, a new begining so as to say. His helping me out on what was my project, made me realize his intelligence, and respect his experience, however different they might be from what I am looking for myself. And I guess resistance faded away, and came in the stage of acceptance, and moving on.

Of course, I feel we still have issues. And I know now, cos he chooses to speak of them, am sure he wouldn’t have if I still were rebellious. And his suspicions are correct. I was looking to bail on him, and I understand he has trust issues with me, and that he doesn’t wish to include me in certain things or just doesn’t connect the two.

It’s funny, seems like things are getting better, and this might just as well end up in a “divorce” ie me moving internally in the organization to another role. And maybe after a while, even if I have moved on internally he would be one person I would always remain in awe of. And it should be an easy one, if it does come to that- I am trying everything in me to stop it- it will be easy for there isn’t much history, anger, fights within us. The communication gap was so high, that I didn’t even know whether my boss had come in to work today or not. And I didn’t care either.

What is most appealing to me in this little case study, is that is this going to be my behavior when I get married- real married not work married. Am I going to run on the first signs of trouble, wanting to bail? Or will I endure the rocky roads and strap myself in for the long ride. I guess the coming month should tell me that. If I can retain a boss, for shizzzles I can retain my husband!! Well at least all the “last bites” I have been having should help!!

Take care All,
Good night and Good luck!!

Meghna

22122009