Different circumstances makes you react differently. That’s a constant. Right?
You assume you know your differing behaviour; that it’s somehow predictable; that you in fact do have some power over it. But in life comes a time when you aren’t able, physically or mentally to do that. The things you do are surprising even to you. You do things which are uncharacteristically you. But you are surprised not shocked. Because you knew, you knew you are capable of it.
The difficult part is not realising how difficult it is to control yourself or going into a dialogue of why’s and how’s. It is, in fact, coming to terms how an ugly a person you really are. And you will, in most probability, be able to live with it. As horrific it sounds you will be able to live with it. What as ‘young adults’ we don’t realise is that, “you’ll be surprised at what you can live with” as one adulterous oncologist once said. He wasn’t a bad man. No, not at all. He saved lives. He went to sleep peacefully and lived life with great vigour.
But even you would know things aren’t exactly hunky-dory. You will realise that you can’t look
yourself in the eye anymore.
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